Post by eg on May 17, 2008 12:27:57 GMT -5
Yes yes, this was on some of the other sites too(PF and PD)... but now I have another chapter...
Looking for all the constructive critisism i can get! Judge harshly please...
Prologue
Deep in the heart of a forest known only by those who have seen it themselves, a pure black pelt shifted among the branches and leaves. Crouching low to the ground the cat moved swiftly and noiselessly towards the edge of the forest. A pair of deep, dark red eyes glinted, the only light in the forest. There was total silence, even the paw steps of the giant cat were so light they could not be heard. The whole forest seemed to have frozen, there was absolutely no breeze to cause the rustling of leaves, and the trees were so packed together that in this dark forest it was impossible to know if it was night or day. As the lean, muscular body of the huge cat hurried on it seemed he was wandering with all of his senses blocked. If there were any other living things in the forest besides the hulking black figure, they were either asleep or dead, most likely the latter.
He wandered on for what seemed like hours. He had no clue how much time had passed since he had attempted the trek through this forest; days, weeks, even months.
Suddenly, the cat paused, eyes lit with a fire that was impossible to miss, pure rage. Lifting his broad head, the great cat drew in a long heavy breath. Yes, the air was becoming fresher; he must be close to the edge of the forest. The cat set his sight straight ahead and continued on with one thought on his mind, death.
He pushed onward and, as he dropped his guard, unprepared, he reached the edge of the forest. He was suddenly blasted with a sight he had not seen in days, light.
Even as this was twilight, it hit him like an eruption of fire. Being kept in the Shadow Forest was like being locked in the innermost parts of a cave.
Wretch stood for several minutes, letting his eyes adjust. Slowly, he began to see the outline form of a huge figure that loomed ominously in front of him. At first the sight startled him. He unsheathed his claws and fluffed up his dark fur. He flexed his strong muscles, ready to pounce or run, whichever he had to do. He strained his eyes to make the black mass clear. His eyes finally came into focus and he realized that it was simply a city, its gigantic skyscrapers seemed to reach up as if they wanted so desperately to touch the slowly appearing stars.
Wretch scolded himself harshly, how could he be so foolish as to be scared of the sight?
He shook his head and set his mind straight, then without wasting time he pressed forward. He was already a few days behind; the trip through the Shadow Forest had taken longer than he had thought. But no matter, as long as it was done. When Wretches eyes had fully adjusted he realized just exactly where he was. This was incredible; he was closer than he could have dreamed for. How he had managed it would remain a mystery forever.
Suddenly, Wretch’s eyes flashed, making them appear a bright red. He was so close, he had been anticipating this day for almost four seasons, and now that it was here he felt all different kinds of emotion surge through him at once: Hatred, sorrow, joy, and excitement. He was so confused all he could do was bound forward. His paws felt the ground’s grass lessen and a familiar, strong stench met his nose.
He stopped and waited. There was no rumble in the distance, no flash of bright lights, so he stepped forward and felt his hardened pads meet asphalt. He paused again then he raced across the dark road in a few well aimed leaps.
His paws met grass and he didn’t hesitate to continue on his way. He rushed forward, his destination growing nearer. Wretch got to a black fence, the rods that sat vertically ended in dull spikes. As he stepped forward and felt his whiskers brush the rods as he stepped in between them and thrust himself through, and the city swallowed him up once more.
Wretch looked around and found himself in a dark small yard. There were a few scattered trees and a little ways along the fence there were small bushes, their pink flowers closing up into buds for the night. He tried to remember where he was, he had lived here for the first few seasons of his life and he never wanted to come back, but he had to. Wretch racked his brain, trying to remember which way would be right.
Then it clicked.
Wretch padded heavily forward. He neared the edge of the yard and came upon another road. The streets were quiet so he continued. The streetlamps were flickering, giving the dark path ahead an eerie presence, but Wretch was used to the shifting shadows and scary figures and odd smells of the large city.
Before he knew what had happened, Wretch arrived at an alleyway, empty except for a few trash cans and what looked like a heap of old rags.
At the sight of the alley his rage was renewed and Wretch could not help but let a thick, low growl vibrate from the deepest parts of his throat. It was a growl so evil, so full of hatred that it would make Goliath whimper in fear.
A shape burst from the heap of rags, startled by the loathing sound. As the eyes of another cat locked with Wretch’s, the fur on the other cat’s protruding spine stood on end.
“I knew you would come, I’m just glad my family is not here to see it,” The calm, yet strong voice of the orange cat rang through Wretch’s ears like a bell.
The orange cat’s bright blue, piercing eyes dug deep into Wretch’s innermost parts of his soul. It seemed as if they were looking into his mind, into his feelings. He was stunned for a few seconds, although they seemed like eternities to Wretch. Suddenly, his thoughts were brought back to this same cat, standing over a great mass of black fur, the same piercing blue eyes, but a younger, more muscular body; One that was not worn out from worrying and stress. He would never rid himself of that image, he would never see his brother’s scarred face again, and this cat was why.
Before another thought was given, before Wretch took in the ragged, fur or skinny body of his opponent, before he could say “Murder,” Wretch had sprung. A second later there was a sickening crack, a gut wrenching rip, and an orange body fell, dead before it hit the ground.
Triumph rushed through the murderer, from the tip of his tail to the end of his whiskers. He turned away finally realizing what his brother had told him on his last day of life was true.
Revenge is sweet.
(Depending on the results i get back from you guys I will decide about posting the next chappy... and I don't mean if you guys like it, I mean if you tell me your for serial opinion. alright, schwizzle!)
Looking for all the constructive critisism i can get! Judge harshly please...
Prologue
Deep in the heart of a forest known only by those who have seen it themselves, a pure black pelt shifted among the branches and leaves. Crouching low to the ground the cat moved swiftly and noiselessly towards the edge of the forest. A pair of deep, dark red eyes glinted, the only light in the forest. There was total silence, even the paw steps of the giant cat were so light they could not be heard. The whole forest seemed to have frozen, there was absolutely no breeze to cause the rustling of leaves, and the trees were so packed together that in this dark forest it was impossible to know if it was night or day. As the lean, muscular body of the huge cat hurried on it seemed he was wandering with all of his senses blocked. If there were any other living things in the forest besides the hulking black figure, they were either asleep or dead, most likely the latter.
He wandered on for what seemed like hours. He had no clue how much time had passed since he had attempted the trek through this forest; days, weeks, even months.
Suddenly, the cat paused, eyes lit with a fire that was impossible to miss, pure rage. Lifting his broad head, the great cat drew in a long heavy breath. Yes, the air was becoming fresher; he must be close to the edge of the forest. The cat set his sight straight ahead and continued on with one thought on his mind, death.
He pushed onward and, as he dropped his guard, unprepared, he reached the edge of the forest. He was suddenly blasted with a sight he had not seen in days, light.
Even as this was twilight, it hit him like an eruption of fire. Being kept in the Shadow Forest was like being locked in the innermost parts of a cave.
Wretch stood for several minutes, letting his eyes adjust. Slowly, he began to see the outline form of a huge figure that loomed ominously in front of him. At first the sight startled him. He unsheathed his claws and fluffed up his dark fur. He flexed his strong muscles, ready to pounce or run, whichever he had to do. He strained his eyes to make the black mass clear. His eyes finally came into focus and he realized that it was simply a city, its gigantic skyscrapers seemed to reach up as if they wanted so desperately to touch the slowly appearing stars.
Wretch scolded himself harshly, how could he be so foolish as to be scared of the sight?
He shook his head and set his mind straight, then without wasting time he pressed forward. He was already a few days behind; the trip through the Shadow Forest had taken longer than he had thought. But no matter, as long as it was done. When Wretches eyes had fully adjusted he realized just exactly where he was. This was incredible; he was closer than he could have dreamed for. How he had managed it would remain a mystery forever.
Suddenly, Wretch’s eyes flashed, making them appear a bright red. He was so close, he had been anticipating this day for almost four seasons, and now that it was here he felt all different kinds of emotion surge through him at once: Hatred, sorrow, joy, and excitement. He was so confused all he could do was bound forward. His paws felt the ground’s grass lessen and a familiar, strong stench met his nose.
He stopped and waited. There was no rumble in the distance, no flash of bright lights, so he stepped forward and felt his hardened pads meet asphalt. He paused again then he raced across the dark road in a few well aimed leaps.
His paws met grass and he didn’t hesitate to continue on his way. He rushed forward, his destination growing nearer. Wretch got to a black fence, the rods that sat vertically ended in dull spikes. As he stepped forward and felt his whiskers brush the rods as he stepped in between them and thrust himself through, and the city swallowed him up once more.
Wretch looked around and found himself in a dark small yard. There were a few scattered trees and a little ways along the fence there were small bushes, their pink flowers closing up into buds for the night. He tried to remember where he was, he had lived here for the first few seasons of his life and he never wanted to come back, but he had to. Wretch racked his brain, trying to remember which way would be right.
Then it clicked.
Wretch padded heavily forward. He neared the edge of the yard and came upon another road. The streets were quiet so he continued. The streetlamps were flickering, giving the dark path ahead an eerie presence, but Wretch was used to the shifting shadows and scary figures and odd smells of the large city.
Before he knew what had happened, Wretch arrived at an alleyway, empty except for a few trash cans and what looked like a heap of old rags.
At the sight of the alley his rage was renewed and Wretch could not help but let a thick, low growl vibrate from the deepest parts of his throat. It was a growl so evil, so full of hatred that it would make Goliath whimper in fear.
A shape burst from the heap of rags, startled by the loathing sound. As the eyes of another cat locked with Wretch’s, the fur on the other cat’s protruding spine stood on end.
“I knew you would come, I’m just glad my family is not here to see it,” The calm, yet strong voice of the orange cat rang through Wretch’s ears like a bell.
The orange cat’s bright blue, piercing eyes dug deep into Wretch’s innermost parts of his soul. It seemed as if they were looking into his mind, into his feelings. He was stunned for a few seconds, although they seemed like eternities to Wretch. Suddenly, his thoughts were brought back to this same cat, standing over a great mass of black fur, the same piercing blue eyes, but a younger, more muscular body; One that was not worn out from worrying and stress. He would never rid himself of that image, he would never see his brother’s scarred face again, and this cat was why.
Before another thought was given, before Wretch took in the ragged, fur or skinny body of his opponent, before he could say “Murder,” Wretch had sprung. A second later there was a sickening crack, a gut wrenching rip, and an orange body fell, dead before it hit the ground.
Triumph rushed through the murderer, from the tip of his tail to the end of his whiskers. He turned away finally realizing what his brother had told him on his last day of life was true.
Revenge is sweet.
(Depending on the results i get back from you guys I will decide about posting the next chappy... and I don't mean if you guys like it, I mean if you tell me your for serial opinion. alright, schwizzle!)
