Zelda fic help

[Kiki]

If there are any other Zelda freaks besides me on this forum, I could use your help. Obviously, I'm planning a Zelda fic. This is kind of basically a 3rd version of another fic I started, but this one's going to be better. The title is The Legend of Kiki.

Set roughly 20-30 years after Ocarina of Time, Link and Zelda have had a daughter named Kiki. She's competely in the dark about the history of Hyrule and the massive roles her parents have played in it. But what she doesn't know can hurt majorly.

The timing of roughly 20-30 years is explained by the ending of OoT when Zelda sends Link back in time to gain back his lost childhood. Though he was sent back in time, Link has all of his memories of fighting Gannon and such and so does Zelda. The Sages also know all of this.
When they're roughly 20, Link asks for Zelda to marry him, yadda, yadda, yadda, they have a little girl named Kiki, blah, blah blah. Sixteen years have passed since then and Kiki has blossomed into a young and beautiful princess. But the seal of the goddesses has weakened and Gannon is making a comeback. Kiki is the next chosen one to seal him away, but can she do it?
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Okay. I'm getting some rough ideas for the beginning, but I'm not sure which of them.

1) One of these ideas is if Link and/or Zelda is/are gone and she was raised by her grandfather who has no idea of the major role Link and Zelda played.

2) She grew up in the Kokiri Forest like Link until she was about 12 and then lived at the castle. She was raised by Saria until she was about ten, then her parents came to get her. She might have come to resent her parents if they did this.

3) Kiki's grown up in the castle and Link or Zelda died several years ago, then Ganon kidnaps the other one.
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Like I said, these are just rough ideas.

[fireangel]

Hmmm...well you have a well-developed plot. I'm leaning toward beginning number two, but maybe instead of hating her parents for abandoning her, they could have a fight where Link and Zelda eventually explain why they had to leave her. They may have to wait until she is ready, but then her resentment will fade. Just a suggestion.

[Kiki]

I'm kind of leaning toward #1 myself now that I've thought it over. I've done #2 twice without the resenment and it's just kind of been boring. Not to mention the fact I was 12 or sommat close to that when I started them... They sucked pretty badly. I've improved my writing a lot since then, so this one will be darker.

I think I'll kill off Link. It makes the most sense if she's the next one to step up to the plate to defeat Ganon.

Also, she gets stuck with Navi. Mwhaha!

Perhaps throw in Link's long-lost sister or something.... I've got some crazy ideas going on in my head.

[Kiki]

Here's some playing around with the prologue and Chapter 1:

It all came crashing down. Everything she had known, everything she had loved, everything she had believed; it had come crashing down in a single moment and had lingered over the past couple of weeks.
The flaxen-haired twelve-year-old has been taking ocarina lessons from her father when he had suddenly clutched his chest and fell over, gasping for air and convusling up and down on the ground after falling off the railing onto the balcony. Link had barely been able to instruct his daughter to go get her mother before another pain shot through him and caused him to gag. Kiki had run with all the speed the gods had given her, but it hadn't been enough; by time Kiki had returned with Zelda, it was too late: he was dead.

The Princess of Hyrule now sat in a chair, wearing black and watching as the priests said the rites that would grant her father safe passage to the heavens where his soul would be for the rest of eternity. She held her tears and tongue, remembering the promise she had made to herself the night before. She had to be strong for her mother and her little sister as well. Rija, only four, had been extremely close to her father as Kiki had.
The four-year-old was balling her sapphire blue eyes out, wailing loudly. Zelda held the child, doing her best to comfort the most recent addition to the family and assure her everything was all right, but it was futile. Tears streamed down Zelda's gaunt features. Ever since Link had died, Zelda had gone into a horrible depression and refused to eat much. Kiki, only twelve, did her best to comfort her mother and sister, trying to give them solace that he was on his way to the goddesses.
For reasons Kiki didn't understand, Zelda refused to go into her and Link's room any longer as it only brought her more grief. She had moved to a guest bedroom that was much less luxurious than what she was accustomed to, but Zelda managed.
Kiki sighed, unable to bear the thought of her father now being gone though his body laid right in front of her. She sniffed and a single tear rolled down her cheek though nobody noticed. The twelve year old glanced around at the crowd behind her. It was as if the whole of Hyrule had turned out. Even the Zoras, Goron and Kokiri had turned up. Ruto, the Zora princess, wailed loudly as she blew her nose in a handkerchief. Darunia, the Goron matriarch, did his best to hide the saddness, but tears trickled down his cheeks. Saria, one of the Kokiri, dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief in grief.
"Razuni rato rato riuka furi." The priest said the closing of the rites and the top of the coffin was closed. Ruto and Rija wailed louder than before as the coffin was carried off.

Chapter 1

Kiki sighed, leaning on the railing of a balcony and looking down at the ocarina in her hand. This was the first time in four years she had touched it. Ever since that day when she was twelve, the thought of playing her ocarina had always stopped her dead. It reminded her too much of her dear father. She sighed and walked back into her room, placing the ocarina on her dresser. She looked in the mirror. Her long, blonde hair was just like her mother's, but her eyes...her sapphire blue eyes... They were just like Link's. She flipped the mirror around and refused to looking in it, shaking her head. Kiki sat on her bed and stared out her window sadly.
For a while, she just sat, staring out her window until a knock on her door startled her. "Princess, may I come in?" Kiki's face lifted a little at the voice coming from the other side. It was her best friend and protector, Rayvir.
"Of course, Ray! Come on in!" Kiki said, standing up from her bed. She brushed her dress to unwrinkle it a bit, but to no avail. A boy with midnight black hair that went to his shoulders and was pulled back into a ponytail and emerald green eyes walked in. "Hi, Ray." The boy smiled, then bowed. "Ray, you know you don't have to do that..."
"Sorry, princess," he said. "You know tradition..."
"And another thing: call me Kiki and not 'princess'. It makes me feel like you're not my friend," she said. Ray smiled again.
"All right, Kiki," he said. "Her Highness wishes to speak with you in her room."

[fireangel]

Apr 26, 2008 19:07:16 GMT -5 Kiki said:

...1.The flaxen-haired twelve-year-old has been taking ocarina lessons from her father when he had suddenly clutched his chest and fell over, gasping for air and convusling up and down on the ground after falling off the railing onto the balcony...
...The four-year-old was 2.balling her sapphire blue eyes out, wailing loudly...

Overall that was a great start for a story. But here's a few things I quoted from it to point out.1. A little tense confusion in this paragraph. Not bad though. Just watch your has's and had's
2. Wrong form of the word. Bawling is what I think you meant.

Good job though!

[Kiki]

1. That "has" was an accident. I was typing it up on this and I don't have Word on my computer. I didn't notice that till afterward and I'm too lazy to fix it.
2. Yeah. Those are two of the few homophones I get mixed up.

And because I'm bored, here's the rest of Ch1, Ch2 and the start of Ch3:

Kiki sighed and stood up, her long hair in a single braid swishing behind her. Ray fell in step behind her, just a shadow-length's distance behind her. Kiki sighed that her best friend had to protect her, but as a Shiekah, it was his job to protect the royal family of Hyrule.
She glanced as she passed her parents' old room. The door was made of thick, solid oak and was carved ornately with the Triforce and many other sacred Hylian symbols. She sighed again as she strode passed it. After Link's death, Zelda had forbidden anybody from going in there. Kiki stifled a snicker at the thought of the way the maids fretted over not being able to go into the room to clean, but the thought also made her sad at the same time. Never again would she see the weapons her father had taught her to use or the Ocarina he had promised to give to her on her sixteenth birthday. That memory got her thinking. He had also said something about telling her about the truth of the matter...
"Princess." Ray's voice snapped Kiki out of her trance and she saw her mother's door in front of her. She knocked and a muffled noise told her that she was allowed in. The princess walked in and shut the door behind her, leaving Ray outside. Kiki sighed as she looked around.
The room was quite bland. Only a bureau, amoire, a writing desk and chair and a bed with a high canopy stood in the room. The room had originally been for guests that weren't staying for long and not for the queen to stay in. Servants had often wanted her to decorate it more, but Zelda had refused to.
"Mother, I'm here. Rayvir said you wanted to speak with me." Kiki glanced at her mother as she sat at the desk.
"Yes. Kiki, I'm going to Termina for a few weeks. I need you to be very careful while I'm gone and do your very best to watch your little sister," Zelda said. Her blue eyes were a bit hollow as she spoke and Kiki sighed internally. Kiki missed the way her mother's eyes had sparkled when Link was alive. Though they still held some life, Zelda's eyes didn't hold the spark they once had.
"Yes, Mother," Kiki said obediently. She curtseyed, then left the room.

Chapter 2

Kiki stared boredly out her window. Two weeks had elapsed since her mother's departure for Termina. She sorely missed her father because whenever she would miss Zelda, he would always liven things up. Even when she was past being a child, he had done childish things to cheer her up and make the time pass more quickly. However, in the past four years, the time when Zelda was gone had dragged by slowly like molasses in winter. Kiki sighed and turned her attention to her writing desk. It was far more ornate than her mother's. Trimmed with gold and silver on the edges, it also had golden handles and such for the drawers. She scanned around her room boredly and saw her practice sword. It was only a hunk of wood, but she was quite good with it, but she hadn't touched that one since her father had died.
Kiki blinked and got on guard as she heard her room door slowly began to open, but relaxed when Rija ran in. The eight-year-old was happy as could be, uneffected by Zelda's departure. "Sissy, sissy!" Rija bounced up and down. She seemed to excited but also alarmed at the same time. "The bat is back!"
Kiki tilted her head. Her little sister always talked about "the bat" as if it were a real thing. Whenever Rija went to show Kiki, "the bat" was gone. None of the castle guards had seen it, either, so everyone assumed that it was merely a figment of the eight-year-old's imagination.
"Come on, come on!" Rija pulled at Kiki's dress. "You gotta get rid of the bat!"
"Wait. You always talked that it was friendly..." Kiki started.
"You gotta get rid of him! You gotta! You gotta!" Rija pulled hard at Kiki's dress when the older princess noticed something disturbing. A long, thin scratch ran on Rija's right cheek.
"Rija, where did you get that scratch?!" Kiki asked, now horrified that she had left her sister alone.
"The bat did it! You gotta get rid of him! You gotta! You gotta!" Rija said again. "You gotta!" She pulled harder at Kiki's dress which in turn caused the older princess to stand up. "You gotta!"
"All right, all right." Kiki grabbed her practice sword, the one she hadn't touched in four years, then headed deep into the castle, following her little sister. She gasped when she saw what was befor her.
A black bat that was larger than any she had seen before floated in front of her. Its blood red eyes glinted in the inky blackness. Its body was hard to make out in the darkness, but she still could. Kiki gulped and gabbed the hilt of her pratice sword. The bat swooped at her and she swung at it, but it flew up and she missed it. This went on for several minutes until she hit it and it disappeared in a poof of smoke. Rija ran to Kiki and clung to her dress. Kiki picked her little sister up and walked out of the deep recesses of the castle.
Kiki gulped when she saw an irritated Shiekah standing with her arms folded at the top of the stairwell. "Princess..." Impa's voice was stern and hard, but undermined by care and concern. "Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you. I was about to call the castle guards to search for you." Kiki set Rija down, then bowed.
"I apologize, Impa," Kiki said. "'The bat' Rija always talked about attacked her. I thought it was a normal bat, but it was at least three times larger than any I have seen and it was pure black with the most blood red eyes you can imagine..." She trailed off, thinking Impa wouldn't believe her, but Impa was wide-eyed. Kiki blinked, unsure of how to continue.
"We must get your mother back here as soon as possible."

Chapter 3

Another week had passed and Kiki now sat face-to-face with her mother. Kiki gulped. Her mother had just arrived moments before in a mad rush to get back to Termina. "Impa, what's so important that you had me dragged all the way here from Termina?" Zelda asked.
"Let your daughter explain." At Impa's words, Zelda looked directly at Kiki and that caused the princess to squirm in her seat. Though she had thought about what to say for the past week, the practice was all but gone. "Go on." Kiki gulped and explained what had happened with the bat. She continued to fidget in her seat, thinking her mother would see her insane. When Kiki looked up, she saw her mother as wide-eyed as Impa had been that day. Kiki blinked, confused as her mother and Impa began speaking in ancient Hylian to one another. This went back and forth for several minutes until Zelda looked at Kiki.
"Kiki, you're lucky you were trained well in the ways of the sword. If you hadn't, you probably would have been injured."

[Kiki]

So I don't forget, here's my next course of action: Kiki explains about about the Keese and doesn't understand about it, then Zelda explains about Ganon. Kiki runs off. Before leaving the castle, she grabs the Master Sword, then tacks Moonbeam [her horse] and rides off. Ray follows her. When she arrives at Lake Hylia, she encounters some Stalchildren and a Wolfos. She defeats the Stalchildren and the Wolfos delivers a message from Ganon to her and she and Ray go back to the castle.

Now, back to Ch3:

"Kiki, you're lucky you were trained well in the ways of the sword. If you hadn't, you probably would have been seriously injured," Zelda said.
"W-What? Why? It was only a bat," Kiki said, confused.
"No. That was what's called a Keese." Zelda closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "They were created by Ganondorf to battle against your father."
"What? Who's Ganondorf and don't they know he's dead?" Kiki gulped, not sure if she wanted to know where this was going.
"You see, when your father and I were younger, there was this evil Gerudo man named Ganondorf. He was after the Triforce to make all of his wishes come true," Zelda began. "He swore his alligence to my father, but I knew otherwise because of a dream. I met your father several days later. I told him to go get the three Spiritual Stones. He already had the one of Forest, so he only needed the other two.
"It took him about a month to get them. I was waiting, but it wasn't enough. Ganondorf came after me and I was forced to leave. Impa spirited me off to a location I still can't disclose. While I was being chased by Ganon, Link came to the castle. I threw him the Ocarina of Time and taught him the Song of Time.
"Seven years passed and I heard nothing from him until I went to the Temple of Time as Shiek, last of the Shiekah. I couldn't tell him who I was without being captured by Ganondorf. Over the next several months, I helped him out with what to do. At last, he had gathered all of the Sages except me.
"In the Temple of Time, I revealed to him I was Shiek. At that time, Ganondorf kidnapped me and your father rescued me a couple of days later. To make up for the seven years he had lost, I sent him back in time. I had thought that it would remove his memories and everybody else's, but it didn't. When we were twenty, he came back and surprised me by proposing. The rest of it is kind of obvious."
Kiki stared at her mother in disbelief and anger. "And you kept this from me?!" she said, standing up.
"I'm sorry, but it was for your own safety," Zelda said.
"I can't believe you!" Kiki yelled. "I can't! I hate you!" She ran out of the room and slammed the door behind her.
I'm never coming back here.
Kiki stopped when she reached her parents' old room. If I'm going out into the world, I'm going to need to protect myself. She flung the door open and coughed when a swirl of dust came up. It didn't phase her much as she walked over to her father's sword, then buckled the belt around her waist. She also grabbed his bow and arrows, then put them over her shoulder. She eyed the Ocarina of Time and grabbed that as well. She also grabbed a journal bound in a leather cover and stuffed it in her pocket.
Kiki ran down to the stables, unnoticed by nearly everyone. She looked around and saw all of the horses had been put out to pasture, so she ran out to the pasture and whistled. A black mare with a white cresecent-shaped mark on her forehead picked her up and pricked her ears forward, then trotted over to Kiki. "Hey there, girl." She patted Moonbeam on the head and scratched behind her ears. "Want to go for a ride?" The mare softly whikered and nipped at the sleeve of Kiki's dress. That meant she was ready for whatever Kiki was going to do. Kiki smiled and led Moonbeam into the stable. She quickly tacked Moonbeam and reigned the mare around, then took off at a gallop out of town.

Chapter 4

Kiki reached the outskirts of the Lon Lon Ranch and looked up. The moon was beginning to rise and stars beginning to come out. She could also feel Moonbeam's labored breathing beneath her legs as she sat astride her horse. I ran her way too hard, Kiki thought. I need to rest her and rest myself. She clucked her tongue and entered the ranch.
Kiki rode over to the race track, then dismounted and looked around. She heard a familiar tune being sung and walked over to a girl that was two years older than her. "Hey, Shion." The girl's black hair whipped around and her sapphire blue eyes rested on Kiki. The two smiled after their eyes met.
"Hey, Kiki. What brings you here?" Shion asked.
"I'm on a trip to Lake Hylia and left not too long ago. Could I stay the night?" Kiki asked.
"Of course you can. You're always welcome here." Shion smiled. "Want me to take Beam for ya?"
"That'd be great. I'll meet you inside." The two friends walked in opposite directions and Kiki entered the house. She found Malon cooking in the kitchen.
"Hello, Malon." Kiki smiled kindly and Malon turned around, then curtseyed.
"Good evening, princess. What brings you so far from the castle on your own?" Malon asked.
"A right of passage. I'm going to Lake Hyila for it." Malon nodded at Kiki's words. Kiki sniffed the air and her stomach growled. "Ma'am, would you mind if I ate with you? I haven't eaten since lunch."
"Of course. Feel free." Malon turned around and went back to cookin and Kiki wandered upstairs to Shion's room. The small room had bunkbeds from when Rion, Shion's older sister, had lived there and Kiki often stayed the night whenever she had a disagreement with her mother. Link had always come to fetch her, but now that he was gone, the castle guard always escorted her home. She'd have to be quick and escape before dawn so they didn't catch her.
Kiki sat on the bottom bunk of the bed, continuing to examine the room. A simple dresser and endtable with a candle on it sat in the room. A faded quilt laid on the bed she was sitting on. Kiki smiled. Though it wasn't what she was used to, the escape it brought was nice. She liked the change in pace and the sleepiness of the little ranch. She had often spent many-a-week here with her father during the spring and summer months to get familiar with the workings of the ranch and she had befriended Shion and Rion during that time. Kiki laid back on the bed and dozed off.
After what felt like on a couple of seconds to Kiki, she was shaken awake by Shion. "Hey, time for dinner." Kiki sat up and groaned, then winced when she hit her head on the top bunk. She sighed and walked downstairs with Shion. Malon was sitting at the table, waiting for Kiki and Shion.

[flamingfighter1510]

im a Zelda freak. But if u want people to join if it is a forum(if this is a plan for a site, which it probably isn't) where would the other members come in

[Kiki]

This is just strictly a fanfic. A forum of this wouldn't be practical because it focuses specifically on Kiki. Like the thread title suggests, this is just for when I need help with the fic.

[flamingfighter1510]

How about a massive attack on the castle

[Kiki]

That'd probably more toward the end.

[flamingfighter1510]

unless, the attack hits and Kiki is driven from the castle, only to rise up

[Kiki]

I already have a rough idea of where I'm going. I don't want Kiki and the royal family driven out of the castle unless it's toward the end.

[flamingfighter1510]

bad ending for a Zelda thing.

[Kiki]

I said toward the end. This wouldn't be a difinitive end, but basically what I'm talking about:

The royal family's driven out of the castle for a few weeks, then plan how to bring Ganon down. They storm back to the castle, battle it out, Kiki seals Ganon anway again, then everything's peachy-keen again.

[flamingfighter1510]

WTH! peachy-keen?

[Kiki]

I mean back to the way it was before Ganon's attack.

[flamingfighter1510]

k, but it always seems to me that Ganon attacks every year with all of the new releases

[Kiki]

That's the basic point of Zelda. Ganon attacking, then being defeated and Hyrule being saved.

[flamingfighter1510]

Yep! Im cool with that, not complaining(seriously) just feeling like Im in a never-ending time loop

[Kiki]

Yeah. But it's still fun.

[flamingfighter1510]

Maybe Kiki finds Link's old weapons, preferably Twilight Princess style because they are cool

[Kiki]

This is post OoT.... Did you even read it?

[flamingfighter1510]

The story? yes. She got the sword, journal, and the Orcarina

[Kiki]

"Never again would she see the weapons her father had taught her"

Meaning she's seen them before. I know it goes against the fact Link hid 'em, but what ever. It's my story.

[flamingfighter1510]

oh